So here I am- its 3:30 a.m. and I am once again fighting the not-good-enoughs.
Honestly I don’t know why or how this really started. I could delve deep into my childhood psyche and come up with something, but the long and short of it is this-
My own self worth is so low it impacts my work.
Point A to Point B projects are easy for me- Build a thing, clean this, rearrange that. Easy stuff.
But creative endeavors? No, not easy at all. Sure some artists, sculptors and cosplayers make it look effortless, but the cold hard truth is that there are a ridiculous heap of man hours that go into any kind of creative project.
Unfortunately for me most of my time is wasted fighting my own lack of self confidence. I lose a lot of working time because I’ll have to sit down and reassure myself I am doing quality work.
Saber is a special habit-breaking project- Because I almost never cosplay a lead character and I almost never make anything so elaborate. I usually don’t tamper with the design, but I really want this costume to have a life of its own.
I also hope to use Saber for charity events (I’m part of a cosplay group that does charity work now.) and so I’d really like it to be special for that reason as well.
I just have to remember why I’m working on this project, and remind myself that I am my own worst enemy and I don’t have to be.